


Splits

by purplefox



Series: Quarter [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Hurt No Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 14:14:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14695887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplefox/pseuds/purplefox
Summary: Choosing to save Sasuke was the right thing to do. The countries, the shinobi world were now working together to fight the real threat. Saving Sasuke had been the right choice... no matter what it had cost Naruto





	Splits

**Author's Note:**

> angst ahead this is not fluffy or romantic, its supposed to hurt and be angsty.

Naruto took a deep breath and did his best to ignore the shinobi gathered behind him. He wished Sasuke or even Itachi were nearby but they were still dealing with the mess with the council. Leaving Naruto as the one to have to actually carry out the plans.

Not that he minded that much, just that he really wished he had people who were still on his side around him and he really wished he had someone nearby as a buffer between himself and Kakashi. Kurama yawned loudly deep inside of him and Naruto sighed.

Kurama waved his paw at him tauntingly and Naruto snorted before he and Kurama lightly high fived, the chakra spread between them, Naruto had a moment to savour the rush, the flood of chakra before he was attuning it.

There were no allowances for second best. There was just good and better, that was all that was allowed. The drive to improve it had been part of him for so long but only under the pressure of losing everything had he really surpassed all his limits.

He could feel them behind him he could touch them with his senses, his chakra. It took nothing to reach out and caress each of them, it took nothing to share the chakra with them. Some of them flinched, many of them startled but far more just accepted it. They were linked.

Naruto did his best not to think of Kakashi, bathed in his and Kurama’s chakra. His blend of chakra had far more effort and care, not that it would do Naruto any good. Kakashi still wouldn’t look at him. Still wouldn’t speak to him outside battle plans.

But he had known that when he had made the choice to save Sasuke, save Itachi and Konoha and the world. But to save he had to choose and that was what Kakashi could not forgive. The way he had went about it, it could have been better but there had been no time.

In their world there never seemed to be enough time. There was always something happening. Even back then he had been summoned for that ANBU mission, and those few moments he had with Kakashi saying goodbye, that had not been enough. The desperation that had filled Kakashi’s kiss, as if he had sensed the impending danger and deceit.

It would be a lie to say he did not think about it often, that he did not fret about those few moments. Sigh over the passion and desperation and examine closely the bit Kakashi had revealed.

If he had been a different sort of person, willing to give up, he would have gone on the mission carried out his duty and come back to Kakashi. But if he had been that sort of person he would have never gotten Kakashi in the first place, maybe they had been doomed from the very beginning. A love story that never went past the first page because the tragedy was too big and the heroes too weak.

It was just sad, but he really wasn’t the type to give up.

Naruto concentrated and the chakra cloaking the others strengthened. He had a moment where he felt Kakashi intensely before he focused on the way ahead. He could feel them approaching, cold, evil, Zetsu. “They are coming!” He roared, an answering cry echoed behind him. He felt them underground, the big army of them, it took little effort to drop on one knee dig deep with his hands and his chakra. The earth responded and Naruto grinned when the entire plateau shifted before it came up.

X

“Where’s Itachi?” Naruto questioned softly. He bit into the sandwich Sasuke had brought for him. The first two days of the fight had been stressful and he was glad for the reinforcements. Of course he had wanted to be back with the various councils and make sure that they were not pulling any shady shit but the fight was mostly his so he had to be there.

“Healing with assistance.” Sasuke shrugged. “He wanted to come right away but his eyes need more healing.”

“With assistance means what I think it does?” Naruto asked curiously. “Was it one of ours or…”

“Kiri medic nin. She took some satisfaction from knocking him out. I don’t blame her because he had tried to take the bandages off at least four times before she gave into the impulse. I on the other hand…” The corners of Sasuke’s lips lifted in a smile. “After the first transgression I would have rendered him unconscious and not by drug.”

Since the trials Sasuke had calmed down. Naruto had found it alarming how quickly Sasuke had given in after Danzo’s crimes had been revealed and Itachi mostly cleared. Sasuke had been so full of anger at the beginning. At Itachi, at the village at himself, at Naruto. With the truth revealed he had found some sort of peace.

Which in its own way was good at least someone had found peace in the mess they found themselves in. Naruto did his best not to linger on the past but it was hard with so many of his friends in his division under his command. Hell it was hard having to do strategy with the others and Kakashi. To see the carefully blank look the man turned on him.

Hell even delivering the messages back to the councils were hard. The frogs were quick but Kakashi’s dogs were faster than even the birds at their disposal. He would never show it but to be side by side by Kakashi and have the man ignore him broke his heart. But he had known what his actions would do and he had gone to save Sasuke anyway.

There had been no real choice. He would have lost something precious if he had allowed the events to play out the way they had. He had lost something precious because of his actions, his friends trust but when it came down to it through hard work that sort of stuff could be earned. But he had never known of anyone that had come back to life.

To save Sasuke’s life and the life of many he had turned his back on contentment and hopes. To become stronger, he had given everything he had to stop the wheels of fate. It had not been an easy decision, but Sasuke was with them again and they were doing something right. They were saving lives.

“You’re such a meanie.” Naruto teased. “I guess this is your revenge huh?”

“I poked him and told him I was sorry but I had to go.” The sheer delight in Sasuke’s voice made him smile. “He frowned for a good few minutes and he wouldn’t admit it but he was sulking when I left.”

“Serves him right, if he’s acting like a kid…” Naruto trailed off at the way Sasuke’s smiled brightened. “Well you know the rest.”

“How’s Kurama?” Sasuke asked when Naruto finished the food. “Tired yet?”

“No.” Naruto said hesitantly. “He’s been resting a lot. If he isn’t meditating he’s you know, storing chakra, making chakra or trying to search for help in the Bijuu space.”

“Is it working?” Sasuke asked before his open expression faded away. Naruto didn’t have to look behind him to know what Sasuke had seen.

“Well we know more Bijuus were grabbed but they can’t say anything they are…” He trailed off to struggle with how to explain what he had felt. “Too much pain, too much emptiness for them to really focus on us.”

“We’ll get them.” Sasuke said softly before Kakashi walked into Naruto’s line of sight.

“Were you briefed?” Kakashi asked lazily. Naruto looked away and balled up the sandwich’s wrappings.

“Not fully but we know the gist of it.” Sasuke said lightly. “You want to now?”

“I thought Naruto would have done it.” Naruto’s heart twisted at the sound of his name but he refused to look towards Kakashi. “Thought you would have all the nitty details by now but since you don’t, one the others will brief you I have to speak to those that were scouting.”

“I should come as well; we might have to change our plans for advancement.” Naruto pointed out. He stood and brushed away at his pants. His Chuunin jacket he left on the ground, he still was not used to it. “See you later Sasuke.”

“Hn.”

Kakashi took the lead to the west of the camp and Naruto walked behind him. Kakashi’s back seemed older, further away. He wanted to say something, reach out but the coldness of Kakashi’s posture told him everything he needed to know currently. Job only.

X

And people said he was the reckless one. Naruto bit his tongue as Sasuke’s hawk swooped back down to the ground. The grin Sasuke flashed at him let him know that Sasuke was quite aware of what Naruto was thinking.

Then again considering how connected to everyone he was via his chakra and the chakra cloaks he might as well be an open book. It was hard to hide injuries because everyone seemed to sense it no matter what he did. The amount of times shinobi from other nations came to him at the end of each day to tell him to rely on them.

Well there was a reason that he needed to take an hour to himself every day before he could find sleep. There was so much to do. So many things he could not dwell on currently but every time someone came to him and said things like that he could depend on them or to trust in them more his heart softened.

This war, this conflict had already robbed him, he had already sacrificed. Still it was nice to know there was something for him to cling to. People grateful to him. He needed the reminder.

He felt a pulse of darkness and glared up in the sky. There was a distortion in the sky and Kurama’s chakra flooded him. He felt the cloak settle over him and breathed out slowly even as Sasuke dispelled his summon and jumped to the ground.

“He’s not coming.” Sasuke said softly. “He’ll send something as a distraction.”

“I’ll whip them all away with Kurama’s tail if he sends those white clone things again.” Naruto muttered dryly. He was sick of seeing those things. Just then above them something exploded. His heart sped up and Naruto looked behind him at those gathered before he glanced up at the sky again. There was something dark forming… almost like a cloud but it looked wrong.

Another explosion from the sky and the darkness widened. Naruto glanced uneasily at those behind him before the stench and the feeling of evil reached him. He swore before he made a seal and frantically concentrated with an apology to Kurama he took as much chakra as he was able before made a huge cloak to stretch across everyone in the battlefield.

The cloak had barely covered the last person before Naruto started to push it up from the middle so it resembled a huge orange umbrella. Even as he concentrated he could hear the hissing outside the cloak. The sound of something burning.

“Acid rain?” Sasuke sounded insulted and pissed.

“They want to keep us here.” Kakashi had gotten closer without Naruto noticing. Naruto glanced up at the man before he sat on the ground, he had to focus in order to hold the cloak.

“Fuck.” Sasuke hissed before he glanced at Naruto. “How long can you hold this?”

“As long as needed.” Naruto snapped. “That cloud has to go!”

“I’d seal it but you’re better.” Sasuke grunted. “They knew you would do this. They did this to keep you in one place.”

Naruto stilled. “You could be right.” He admitted. “They knew my first reaction to realizing everyone was in danger would be to protect them.”

“It’s because from the last battle you did the shield.” Sasuke took a deep breath before he released it. “They are figuring out how we work from our personalities. They’ve been studying you. The survivors from each attack report back, soon they’ll swoop in and just grab you.”

“You’re saying I’m predictable?” Naruto snorted.

“I’m saying your feelings are dobe.” Sasuke flicked him in the forehead before he smiled. “But that will work in our favour.”

“Exactly how?” Kakashi asked. Sasuke glanced at him before his eyes shifted.

“Naruto isn’t just one person.” Sasuke pointed out. Naruto’s breath caught at the idea. “Why don’t the two of you switch? Kurama could shake things up.”

 **“I like it.”** Kurama laughed.

“You would.” Naruto muttered. “Fine, we’ll switch.”

X

“You could be more gentle.” Naruto said dryly when he watched Kurama sweep others away with his chakra taking them from the line of fire. “Don’t forget they are human.”

 **“I don’t have time for that shit.”** Kurama muttered. **“They’ll live. What you should be doing is coming up with a new plan. Maybe some new feelings. You’re distracted brat.”**

Naruto sighed, “Can you blame me?” Close but not close enough. Ignored, rejected, another burden to carry even if he had brought it on himself but he had no other choice. He could have been selfish, he could have looked the other way but in the end… he would not have been Naruto and in the end it was that sort of thing that counted.

He was Uzumaki Naruto, he would not leave a friend behind and he would become Hokage, he would walk down the dangerous unknown path and no matter what he found he would overcome.

Through his veins ran not just Uzumaki but Namikaze… his Dad had asked him if he had something precious to protect. His mother had asked him if he had made any good friends. He did have something precious, he had several precious things. He had friends many friends and he wanted to protect them all no matter where they lived, no matter the cost to himself.

Gods above, doing the right thing was hard. Everything was but it was part of the path he needed to take. “My feelings is what makes me me.” Naruto chuckled. “Silly fox. If I were to change my feelings or ignore them… I’d be something different.” He felt Kurama rolling his eyes at him and grinned. “But I needed a break, we should do this more often.”

 **“You’re an idiot.”** Kurama huffed. **“It obviously runs through your lineage too. A complete idiot.”**

X

“Any other ways to guard against it?” Sasuke muttered. “We don’t even see that bastard coming. He’s just there, we’re moving in hitting the important targets but we also could be falling into a trap.”

“There is that.” Naruto sighed before he leaned back against the stone. “God I’m beat.”

“You need to eat; I don’t even want to contemplate how many calories you lost today.” Sasuke muttered. “We need another plan, a backup plan because if we have to baby and protect the forces we might as well not have them.”

“Sasuke…”

“They use them against you. You care too much.” Sasuke said bluntly. “It’s why I’m here now. It’s why Itachi’s back. It’s why Sakura won’t look in your direction, it’s why Shikamaru and the other teams don’t even look you in the eye. It’s the reason Konoha is so damn uneasy no matter what we face on the team and every other country is looking at you like you’re a king.” Sasuke gripped his chin in a hard grip and made Naruto meet his gaze. “You care and that’s good but it also makes you vulnerable because to hurt you all you have to do is go after someone else. They don’t even have to be connected to you. Destruction, even meanless destruction does something to you. You don’t want to get others hurt or killed. You’ll do it but you want to take it onto your own damn shoulders. It’s why in the end you’ll be a better leader than anyone else than we’ve known.”

“Sasuke…” Naruto breathed before Sasuke released him. “Sasuke I-“

“Am I interrupting?” Naruto jerked away from Sasuke at the sound of Kakashi’s voice. The man’s Sharingan was covered as it usually was his normal eye holding nothing more than polite interest.

“No.” Sasuke answered as he sat back. “Are you bringing us news?”

“Something like that.” Kakashi’s eye went from Naruto to Sasuke and back again. “You certain I’m not interrupting something? I can always come back.” The disinterested tone caused Naruto to flinch. He glanced away choosing to look to the scattered tents and shinobi milling around. A soft touch to his knee made him glance back and meet Sasuke’s gaze. He felt the tension melt away at Sasuke’s understanding look.

“We’re fine.” Sasuke said bluntly not looking away from Naruto. “It’s been a long day Kakashi, we’re just unwinding, catching our breath.” He finally looked at Kakashi. “Normal things that everyone else is doing.”

“You’re not normal and you certainly aren’t everyone else.” Kakashi breathed.

“Just tell us what you have to tell us and get going.” Sasuke’s hand on his knee tightened. “Go hide with the other Konoha shinobi. We’ll see you in the morning or whenever the enemy decides to attack.”

“I was just here to inform you that the plan you came up with was successful and we’ve worked out a plan to use in case they try to stick us up again.” Kakashi shrugged. “I’ll be on my way now, you’re right it has been a long day so I want to unwind with people that will watch my back.”

Naruto was unable to hide how Kakashi’s words affected him. The flinch that went through him he accepted. He took a deep breath, ignored the hurt in his soul and nodded in Kakashi’s direction before he got up. Sasuke’s hand slid from his knee and Naruto gave him a small smile before he took off for a walk through the camp.

X

“Itachi will kill you if you get injured.” Naruto whispered to Sasuke. He got a smile in return before Naruto rolled his eyes, ignored those watching him and tugged Sasuke into a hug. The fights had been slowing affecting him, the isolation, having Kakashi so near. Having someone to lean on and rely on had been perfect.

Now they were being separated and Naruto could just smell the manipulation behind it. Tactically it was a smart move but that did not change the fact that many in Konoha still did not trust him. That Naruto had weakened Konoha if only for a short while, he had betrayed them.

“This’ll be over sooner than you think.” Sasuke whispered in his ear. “I don’t care about them, Itachi and you that’s all I want.” They pulled back and Naruto watched Sasuke turn away before he blurred and disappeared.

“Is that a new way of saying goodbye?” Sai’s voice startled him but Naruto refused to look at him.

“It is for me.” Naruto said softly. “This is a battlefield, of course I’ll let my best friend know I’m worried before he leaves me. I can’t watch his back.” He sighed. “And now… he can’t watch mine.”

X

He was half naked, a paintbrush in his mouth and a bunch of scribbled on seal tags surrounding him when someone barged into his tent. Naruto almost messed up the order of the next tag in his surprise at Sakura’s appearance. “What the hell are you playing at?” she growled.

It was the first time she had sought him out since they had set out. Naruto looked her over, relieved to see no injuries. He thought back to her question and shrugged. He was not a mind reader. He moved the tag where it was supposed to and took the paintbrush out of his mouth as he considered the pattern and the feeling he was getting. Sensing something a tiny bit off he made a swirl in the centre of a solid line and nodded at the change he felt.

“Naruto…” She growled. Naruto glanced up again at her.

“What?” He asked. “I’m doing something and I have no idea what it is I’ve done now that has you all mad.” He muttered.

“I’m talking about what you told Sai.” She hissed. “The thing that is now going around the camp filled with many shinobi. How dare you.” She hissed.

“What I told Sai?” Naruto blinked at her for a moment before he sighed. “Is this about Sasuke? He asked, I answered am I going to be dragged over this now? Really?” He shook his head. “I told the truth, I’m worried about him. He’s going out there by himself. I know he can handle himself but things still happen I’ll still worry.” He leaned back away from the collection of altered tags. “If it is the thing about him watching my back you’re mad about… you didn’t see that coming?” His voice had dropped as he looked at her. “It’s the truth you don’t get to be mad just like how I don’t get to be mad. It is just the current situation. I don’t get how it even affects you besides making a few of you look bad. I’ll still protect you to the best of my ability. I’m still fighting for you.” Naruto hissed. “I don’t get what your problem is.”

“My-“

“Leave.” Naruto ordered. “When I wanted to talk, when I wanted to clear things up no one looked at me.” He hissed. “No one wanted to listen. I will not do this now. I’m tired, I’m stressed, the enemy is an asshole and right now I’m alone.” He snarled. “Just how you wanted it. It’s what you can live with, it’s what you can deal with. It’s been a long fight… so leave me be until I’m needed to be your spear and shield.” He glared down at the tags. “Don’t make me make you leave.” It took a few moments but she left and Naruto released a sigh of relief before he leaned back to lie on the ground.

During the entire encounter… he had not said her name. He had felt like if he had his voice would have shaken. That his need and longing would have through. He knew he had to fix things but it did not change how he currently felt. He was alone but it was a different feeling to when he had been a child.

He had people that loved him and people whose feelings he no longer had a clue but he did not hate them and gods above that was a serious problem there. He just did not hate them. How could he not hate them?

But in their eyes… he had done such a horrible thing but that they had not looked at the reality around them and realized he had no real choice. It pissed him off and now without Sasuke around he felt so alone. No one that knew him by his side.

X

“Busy?” Naruto looked up from meditating to see Kakashi standing in the tent’s doorway.

“Depends on what you call busy.” Naruto shrugged. “Any new developments?”

“I didn’t come for that.”

“I see.” Naruto asked. “Then in that case…” His gut clenched. “I’m going to ask you to leave.”

“Because your Sasuke buffer is gone?”

“Because I can’t deal with this right now.” Naruto breathed. “I really can’t I don’t want to; this war sucks I don’t want to have to deal with our problems right now and before you start.” He hissed. “I already know.” He glared at Kakashi and had to fight back tears at the sight of the man standing so casually in the tent. “When I said our problems I meant Konoha and me but that can wait.”

“You seemed to have gotten the wrong impression before.” Kakashi said softly. “I spoke to Sakura.”

“Congratulations.” Naruto huffed. “If I knew answering a question honestly would have gotten me so much trouble and gotten you guys to stop avoiding me in order to confront me… I would have kept my mouth shut.” He growled. He got to his feet and ignored his shirtless state. “Every day we’re fighting for something bigger than village, for people for something small and for something huge. For the past and the present. For friends, for family, for kids back home and for the future they want to steal away.” Naruto hissed. “I know what I did but god help me I had no other choice and that no one sees that except people outside the situation is messed up.”

“We can’t just ignore what you did.”

“I know.” Naruto nodded. “But I thought that in a situation like this we would be working together. You feel offended that I can’t trust my back to you? You guys are saying the same to me. I trust Sasuke, I trust Itachi too, no one is perfect but they understand what I did. Why is it that Iruka-sensei is the only one in that village… again that actually gives a damn right now?”

“You attacked us and ran off we had no idea-“

“For weeks I had been saying we had to save Sasuke, that we had to stop Sasuke. Don’t get mad at me when all along the rest of you had a second agenda.” Naruto snapped finally letting free the thoughts he had been wrestling with before he had left. “Don’t act like the rest of you gave me a choice. I saved Sasuke, I helped show the problems with the village. I uncovered a plot and now we’re here fighting. Don’t act like I dragged any of you here.” Naruto hissed. “I didn’t ask for you to help. It is my death they want.” Emotion flashed in Kakashi’s eye too quick to be identified. “We’ve heard, we’ve seen plenty of shit Kakashi. I have so many things I value and want to protect and currently no one by my side.” He finished. “It’s just me and Kurama right now. Maybe when this is over I can go back to hammering at the walls and problems you guys have but not now. I can’t, I won’t deal with it.”

Kakashi stared at him for a few moments after he finished speaking before he turned around and left the tent. Naruto’s gut clenched again and he felt his heart crack once more but he knew it was for the best. He could not handle any digging currently. He just couldn’t.

X

“Are you okay?” Sai’s voice sounded faint, Naruto was certain the fault was with his ears and not Sai. As it was he could barely breathe. He wanted to sit down for a while, the only satisfaction was that he had broken the eye.

Or at least he thought it was an eye. It had looked like an eye. Everyone else had called it some sort of eye. Never mind he had not expected the damn thing to shatter like glass and reveal a black hole in the bastard’s head. He had not been prepared for that but he had done it, just doing it had taken a lot out of him.

“Naruto?” He recalled that Sai had been talking to him and while Sai’s voice was faint he should answer him.

“I’m fine.” Naruto swayed on his feet and he closed his eyes to avoid seeing the ground shift. “Gimme a few minutes.”

“Do you want me to call a healer?”

With his luck they would come from Konoha and that was something Naruto wanted to avoid. “I’m fine! Just gimme a few minutes.” He could feel the stares even with his eyes closed, it made him grit his teeth as he fought to stay standing. He tugged back his chakra from the area. “Just gimme a bit. Don’t let your guard down, I need a few.”

“If you are… sure.” Naruto was certain Sai’s faint voice was not because of Naruto’s current dizziness.

“Positive.” Naruto gritted out as he slowly turned away. He lurched, his first step uncertain but he steeled himself and his fifth step flowed as he sought out the nearest isolated place. He really needed it.

X

“You need a healer.”

“You need to mind your business.” Naruto groaned with his shirt over his head. The ground was hard on his backside but he felt better sitting than he had felt standing. “I said I needed a minute.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you took damage.” Naruto could feel Kakashi looking at him. “This martyr behaviour isn’t you.”

Naruto snorted and leaned back against the large rock he had taken shade from. “I don’t know, judging from the last few weeks it seems to suit me just fine. I mean I’m taking to it like a duck to water except I just can’t remember exactly what my cause is.”

He gently removed his shirt from his head to meet Kakashi’s gaze. The man’s eye swept over his face before it settled just to the left of Naruto’s face. Naruto was not even surprised.

“You’ll be pleased to know you will have reinforcements soon.”

“Sasuke?” Naruto was so ready for Sasuke to be back already.

“No. when Itachi heals he’ll be joining us, Sasuke will return to us before being sent with another team.”

Naruto swallowed slowly in order to keep himself from saying anything. “I see.” He said softly.

“Do you?” Kakashi questioned. “Do you really?”

“Better and better with every passing day.” Naruto muttered. “And I hate to repeat myself.” He got to his feet slowly, the rock his brace. “But I don’t need that healer, I’m hoping I won’t need it later either.”

“Even Kurama can’t heal everything.”

“Then I hope when that time comes I’m closest to a healer not from Konoha.” Naruto breathed. Kakashi’s eye flashed at him but Naruto snorted before he flung his shirt over his shoulder, he felt so empty. “When the reports are done send someone to update me.”

“You don’t want to sit in on the meeting?”

“What for?” Naruto muttered as he started to slowly limp towards camp. “Not like they’ll listen and I’m just the attack dog with serious value that they don’t want stolen.” He knew he heard Kakashi’s breath hitch but Naruto was too injured and too tired.

X

“How many of these does this sick bastard have? This has to be more than Danzo. Tons more and Danzo was twisted.” Naruto grumbled to himself as he eyed the vast amount of tanks, filled with eyes. Not just Uchiha eyes. At least the sick bastard had been kind enough to label them, the question was how to get them back to Konoha.

How to get them back and not worry about a few disappearing. Naruto tossed a glance at the others still examining the base they had claimed. It was only a matter of time until the idiots regrouped. Whatever else that was in the base was not his priority. The eyes? That was because he had come this far for Sasuke and his clan, might as well go the full way.

Maybe transportation by toad might be the best way. There was a toad for that. The old man had shown him that once and Naruto had called it out as gross and very unsanitary but it would do for the quick transportation.

“What are you doing?” Shikamaru asked the moment Naruto had got halfway through the seals. Naruto rolled his eyes and stopped to jerk his head toward the tanks. “What are you going to do with them? Destroy them?”

“Well no.” Naruto blinked at Shikamaru. “Okay why… I mean I guess other people would think about that but see I don’t have the right to make that decision and I learned about a little problem that my best friend and his brother have because of their clan and while we have another solution I like to keep my options open.” Naruto beamed. “So in case of any emergencies they can you know, pop in one these.” He drawled. “Not all because… well no but somebody has to be a close enough cousin to work.”

“Oh.” Shikamaru shifted as Naruto started the seals again. “That’s all you are going to look at?”

“Rather not look at the Jinchuuriki torture chamber or notes.” Naruto grunted as the frog started to suck up the tanks. “Honestly the only way those are going to come in handy is if well I’m in it and I’m certain that if they catch me that’s it for me. No sense in bringing on even more nightmares.” He glanced at Shikamaru. “Those you can burn, or I’ll do it because frankly anyone with their hands on those gives me the creeps.”

X

“They are thankful for the gift.” Kakashi’s mouth played over the word gift, it ran down his back. “Itachi is helping them with the family tree so to speak.”

“Good for them.” Naruto shrugged as he read over the report. Ten bases and they still were not that deep in enemy territory. No matter how much they had taken out there was the feeling that the enemy was as strong as ever.

“Working tirelessly as ever.” Kakashi breathed. “Plan on letting up?”

“Does it look like I can?” Naruto gritted, their departure from the base had not been graceful as someone had activated a self-destruction seal somewhere. That all of them had made it out was nothing short of a miracle.

“How are they supposed to know?” Kakashi asked softly. Naruto looked up at him and their eyes met and held. “You chose him again, that doesn’t inspire trust for the whole, Naruto.”

“Everyone did what they did, I grabbed a resource.” Naruto pointed out. “And I got everyone out alive didn’t I? Every single person. In my book, that’s more whole than what the rest of you are thinking about.” He knew deep under the hard exterior was the man that had held him, begged him not to go anywhere before everything had went to hell.

But Naruto had already said he was sorry. He had come back home, did the right thing. Saved everyone and he was dragged through the dirt for it. He knew they were hurt, that they felt betrayed but that had been for such a small amount of time, he had suffered more, suffered longer. How much allowances was he supposed to make before he could wash his hands and just move on?

“Naruto?” Kakashi looked uncertain and Naruto could only look at him tiredly.

“I did wrong.” Naruto said softly. “But the choices were die with the hand I was dealt, doing nothing, becoming something unworthy of the name I was given or doing something with the bad hand and changing everything, making things right.” He sighed softly, an exhale that seemed endless. “It fucked up people on the board but the cards, the game is much better now. Better than anyone else could have achieved.” He shook his head. “That’s the truth and I’m tired of being dragged for it.”

X

“I want to go back.” Kakashi said softly. Naruto stood behind him wishing the older man was not in his tent. Instead he tugged off his jacket and allowed himself a small sigh.

“Me too.” Naruto admitted. “For a few seconds, I wish I could go back, try harder but I can’t. I wouldn’t be able to take the chance that you would stop me.” Kakashi’s shoulders slumped and his heart slumped. “I would try to create more moments with everyone if I could go back because other than that I wouldn’t change a thing. We need Sasuke, we need Itachi.” He shook his head. “But if there wasn’t all this shit going on? There would be no need to go back. I’d have never done this to us otherwise.”

“Us?” Kakashi asked his voice soft.

“Konoha of course.” It almost choked him to say those words. “You made it plain that anything else you don’t even want to think about. I’ll respect that.” His breath hitched. “Today took a lot out of me, I need to rest Kakashi.”

“I see.” Kakashi’s voice was back to the way it had been since he came back. Naruto wished he could go back too. Wished that he had more to cling to than he already had but that was being greedy. He had other things to think about.

X

He knew that he was asleep. He knew he was dreaming, he knew them were memories. Did not stop it from hurting anyway.

_“We can’t afford this kind of risk!” Another meeting another talk that he had walked in on too late, they were making decisions around him he could feel it. They were talking around him not to him and that rankled._

_“Naruto we have to be firm on this!” How could she want to give up? why didn’t she see? Why didn’t she understand of all people she should understand._

_Something did not feel right. Everything was happening too quickly and he couldn’t breathe! There was too much to hear too much to process and his skin prickled every time he had to be around everyone else. He couldn’t trust them with his thoughts, they all gave him the same look, the same speech every time._

_He was working on his own. He was on his own and he knew that but he was feeling so much hearing so much and everywhere carried memories. What was he supposed to do? Where was he supposed to go? The roof of the archive breaking in was a blessing._

_Everyone thought he was training, everyone was relieved from the thought of it. He had to keep acting the same. Saying the same things even though the scales had fallen from his eyes. Something was wrong, it was very wrong beyond the fact that the wool had been pulled over the eyes of everyone in Konoha. There was more to the whole thing than what they thought._

_“I know this has to be conflicting to you Naruto.” Kakashi’s voice was soft in his hair and the man was entirely too close for his comfort. “But we’re getting the information and you’re training as hard as you can if anyone can do the impossible it is you.” Too much happening too quickly but there has been so many nights like these the two of them alone talking, reassuring each other and Kakashi looking at him as if he were the moon and stars._

_“God what are you doing to me?” His voice rose in hysterics. So much pressure, too much pressure and no one he could turn to. Just plans he made, plans he had to keep making and had to keep to himself god it wasn’t fair. “Do you know what you make me feel?” He demanded of Kakashi only to have the hands tighten around his waist before the man looked away._

_It was going to happen, it had to happen but this was the wrong time with everyone working against each other. Three players on the board and Naruto had to subdue and protect one and defeat the other thoroughly and rescue the pawns that had nothing to do with the mess. Hell he did not even think any of them should be involved in the mess in the first place._

_Baa-chan loved him, she wanted to believe in him and protect him but her hands were tied. He understood that. He did not begrudge her that but the way the others watched him then planned around him like he was some hopeless child. Like he did not understand how the world worked. He understood it better which was why he was trying to change it._

_It was mutual, this thing between them. It looked innocent but it was not. It was brushes of hands. Hands lingering, resting against each other. Lingering looks and everything he never knew he needed. Everything he wanted forever. But what was he going to have to do?_

_Who was Uzumaki Naruto? What did Uzumaki Naruto want? What would remove the foundations of Uzumaki Naruto? He knew, he knew what would break him, turn him into something not worthy of being Hokage, not worthy of the hands outstretched to him. Not worthy of the love he had and craved. No matter the cost he had to do the right thing, this was bigger than village. Bigger than love. He did not have a choice. Not if he wanted to keep on living as Uzumaki Naruto. Maybe there would be something to salvage, he had won them over once._

Naruto jerked up out the blanket his heart racing and furious at his unconscious mind. Was it not enough that he was faced with the consequences day after day? He had to be taunted with those weeks and months leading up to the final decision. The despair and all those other conflicting emotions that had been crammed deep inside him. The fear of losing everything, the knowledge that something had to be sacrificed, the naïve feelings he had, hoping they would see and understand and forgive.

He was adrift but how could he regret that? He had made the decision the right decision because he knew he could not bury his head in the sand. Because he had known he would have lost himself and never returned. It had been the right choice no matter how hard it was and how much it hurt. He had to live with it.

X

The spunky medic nin got his attention the next day. Naruto had been aware of her in a distant sort of way. He had covered her in chakra so he knew a lot about her, just like how he knew a lot about everyone else he fought with but she had talked to him before and smiled, thanked him. He was not in the mood for hero worship, he did not deserve it but a friendly face would be nice. The medical skills was the bonus.

So he found himself smiling back before he asked for help. They had made considerable progress into enemy territory. He switched out with Kurama to shake things up and sometimes because he did not want to have to deal with feeling the overload.

The medic nins had been saying to rely on them and after they had managed to secure a place to rest, Naruto was willing to take them up on it. “I’m just mostly tired.” He smiled. “Some scrapes and bruises but nothing like what you guys had to deal with but don’t worry.” He had been running over in his head how to help them out further. “I’m working on that.”

Her Kiri armour had sagged when she gaped at him before she went into a one-sided lecture on how he was simply doing too much. Naruto was unable to help his grin.

X

Everyone was still wary about him and honestly who could blame them? But Naruto needed information more than what his eyes saw and what his senses told him so the Kiri medic nin was soon joined by a Suna nin and then an Iwa nin and soon he had a crowd around him when he was getting looked over after the battle. He still went to sit on his own to cool down but that small link of people helped him because when he ran over plans and the battle in his head different points of view helped a lot. Just was a pity he couldn’t do it with Konoha.

X

Love came second, it came last to this. Naruto sat surrounded by many but his mind was somewhere else. His mind was focused on the new plans and their new targets. He was against splitting up the groups. He was still upset about Sasuke on his own but what could he do?

Still Sasuke was one thing, everyone currently with him was another. It would be all too easy for their enemy to pick them off. As they were when they were attacked they could fight together. they could protect one another but with their forces halved so was their strengths but what else could he do?

He had thought about another shadow clone but that was halving his strength as well. He was not encouraging this madness. He was not supporting it either.

“Naruto-sama!” A short tap to his naked back made him jerk back into the conversation. “If you’re just going to zone out you should go to sleep. Nothing else is going to get solved now.”

“Right.” Naruto nodded before he smiled at the group. “I guess I’ll head back to my tent for now. Take care you guys.” He did not put back on his shirt but slung it over his shoulder as he made his way to where his tent was. He knew he passed people on the way but his mind was honestly somewhere else. His thoughts were elsewhere and how could they not be?

He was thinking about the war and their current fights. He was all for taking back the enemy’s territory bit by bit and reducing casualties as much as they could but everyone wanted the war ended now. He wanted the fighting to stop now too but they lacked information.

He wished he could speak to Sasuke.

Or Itachi, after what he had sent back to Konoha he wanted to hear their voices and their thoughts on everything. He needed their output because he needed to know how they saw the enemy now that these new things had been revealed. He needed to know he was not crazy for the little thoughts that cropped up.

He needed someone to confide in, someone who knew him who he could trust.

There were many people around him he did not doubt that he could talk to. Many shinobi on the field that were eager for him to talk and share his thoughts. Many shinobi that had shared his chakra and knew him to his soul and wanted to speak to him.

But chakra sharing was one thing. Naruto needed a friend to confide in about his worries and his fears about his deep thoughts and about what he felt the impact of this might do. He wanted the war to finish. He did not want to put in danger more shinobi. He did not want anymore Jinchuuriki to die. He certainly did not want to die and he did not want Kurama’s friends to be in anymore pain either.

So many things he wanted but how the hell was he supposed to go around getting them from where he currently was? It was why his mind kept spinning and his thoughts were so jumbled. Naruto stripped the moment he got to his tent and fell facedown onto his blanket.

It was so tiring, it made him crave the past. Just a little bit of course.

He missed how easy it was before and how he could have talked to anyone about anything. He missed the days of team seven. He even missed the days of the new team seven specially designed to bring Sasuke home. Although they were sort of broken now. Sort of fracture in so many ways, he still missed what they had been together.

He missed baa-chan, he wanted to talk to her. Not the way they talked in her office but they way she talked to him when he caught her elsewhere. A little drunkenly but honest. He missed so many parts of Konoha but there was nothing he could do about that now.

He missed Kakashi.

So much that it was a physical ache inside. He hurt thinking and missing him and what little that they had. Kakashi wanted to go back to before, a tiny bit of Naruto wished they could have too. A small part of him wished for that.

Still if he had turned his back on Sasuke then he would have been a man no one would follow. A shinobi that no one could respect even if no one judged him he would have judged himself. It would have tainted them too, maybe broken them apart just as Naruto’s choice had.

Still their feelings remained, they might be putting the war first now. They might be trying not to think too much about it. He might be alone in his own camp but-

He knew the truth, Kakashi cared, he just did not want to. That was the truth and Naruto knew that while he was hurt he still cared as well. Part of him wanted to lash out but he did not. He had known what he had been risking when he had chosen to leave the others behind.

When this war was over he wanted to fight for them. He wanted to build something with Kakashi and he wanted to be with his team once more. He had to earn their trust again. Back then he had not had any other choice, he had not been strong enough to keep both important things to him.

After this however, he most certainly would get back not just the man he loved but the friends that he had disappointed. It was going to take strength and time. It was just going to hurt for now but this was pass.

X

“It’s a foolish plan.” Sasuke did not even look at them as he read the scroll. “It hardly matters now.” He tucked it away in his cloak before he focused on the group. “I’m heading back so what happens here doesn’t need my opinion.”

“So it went well then.” Sakura’s blank tone bothered Kakashi but he understood so he said nothing. “You read the report about the recoveries?”

The smile that came to Sasuke’s face then burned Kakashi’s heart. That soft smile, the reflective glance and the adoring eyes made his skin itch. “That Naruto, he just doesn’t let up. He’s too good for us.” Black eyes met Kakashi when Sasuke had finished speaking. “I’ll be seeing to that when I return. Is that all?”

“For now, we’ve got to get back.” Shikamaru rolled his shoulder the tension obviously getting to him. “Anything you want passed onto Naruto?”

“Tell I said don’t be an idiot.” Sasuke’s gaze dismissed them before his gaze lingered on Kakashi. “A quick word Kakashi.”

“Go ahead.” Kakashi reassured when Sakura and Sai sent him worried looks. “We’ll be fine.” They waited in silence as the other three walked away. “Something bothering you Sasuke-kun?”

“You’re an idiot.” Sasuke replied bluntly as he rifled through his cloak. “You and the rest of them, everyone else knows his worth but you… I never thought you would fall so low Kakashi.”

“Don’t.” He had not meant for his easy tone to slip and reveal his darker thoughts but he did not need Sasuke of all people pushing him.

“I don’t get why you’re so huffy. No, that isn’t correct I understand why you’re so huffy about it all but I don’t think they do.” Sasuke jerked a thumb towards the three that had disappeared in the direction of the forest. “They come up to this mountain range and give me orders to return and them and everyone else wants to keep me away from Naruto right now. I get why, he risked a lot for me but I’m not going to run away from one the few people who give a shit unconditionally. I’m going to support him and what moves he makes. I’m going to make sure he doesn’t get his head lodged up his ass.”

“How nice for you.” Kakashi gritted.

“And if you keep fucking around with him and his heart.” Sasuke’s voice lowered. “I will take him from you.”

The world lost a bit of its colour and their surroundings went quiet. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” Sasuke’s eyes were firm. “Me or you that were the only choices really even back then. I can acknowledge that. I’ll admit it took me by surprise to see you snatch him up like that but we’ve been through so much I really can’t see my life without that optimistic idiot. He sees me like no one else has. Him and Itachi, it’s all I’ve got and it’s all that I want.”

Sasuke’s smile burned Kakashi’s blood. His words kept his tongue heavy because he could see all too well the days of before with team seven. Naruto and Sasuke always fighting always competing. Rivals forever anyone would have thought but the times they had teamed up had been cute back then too. The smiles they had given each other, the support they had offered each other.

“Back then I almost stayed for him. I had been wavering. Looking down at that idiot.” Sasuke said softly. “If he had stayed conscious a bit longer who knows? You might have had to take us both back to Konoha that day. I had tried to leave him behind, he had become an important person to me. More important than the rest of you. That day changed us both.”

It was not a lie, Naruto had changed that day. Become a bit stronger, a bit wiser and more determined. He had been focused and determine don bringing Sasuke back home. A horse with blinders on he could see nothing else but Sasuke. That intensity had made many wary but it had encouraged just as many.

“He loves you.” Sasuke sighed heavily at the sky. “He wants to be Hokage and he loves the village still. He’s a complete idiot that hasn’t changed one bit. You went from cool sensei to I don’t even know. I don’t know what he sees in you.” A small half smile. “Or maybe I do, just a little bit.”

“What are you-“

“Back to what I said.” No smiles just intensity all aimed towards him. “Out of friendship Naruto saved me. Out of our bond and memories he saved me, because of promises spoken and unspoken he risked everything to give me another chance. I don’t know what I’ll do with it. It don’t even know if I deserve it but he gets my loyalty. He gets my respect and there is not a thing I wouldn’t do for him now. I’ll even save him from himself.”

The wind softly blew around them as Sasuke watched him. His eyes were determined and angry but Kakashi held his own anger. “You don’t get to judge, do you understand what he’s done?”

“You’re mad that he disobeyed you and saved me. You think it is because he loves me more.” Sasuke’s soft voice irritated him. “You’re wrong about that, Naruto understood the true story and saved me. He put together the pieces and revealed everything. He refused to abandon me even when I did not know I needed saving. You taught him how to do that and you’re mad because he did it?”

Sasuke’s heavy sigh made Kakashi want to do something violent. Something drastic because he had been thinking some of those things himself but the facts of everything kept coming back to him.

“Naruto deserves better than this, he risked everything to save everyone. He didn’t want anyone to suffer… but you know that.” Sasuke dismissed. “It’s why the rest of you can’t look at him now. You got tricked, you got fooled but he didn’t. he didn’t trust you so now you won’t trust him. I get that but Kakashi.” Sasuke stepped closer and his eyes held truth. “Naruto and Itachi is all I’ve got now. Don’t doubt that I’d take him from you. Keep pushing him away, keep blaming and neglecting him and you won’t get him back.”

“You’re going to play those games with me Sasuke?”

“You started playing them first, besides of all people you knew who I was focused on the most.” Yes Kakashi had known, known and worried. “After dealing with Itachi if I had still lived I was coming back to the idiot that kept chasing me.”

“I doubt that.”

“Believe what you like.” Sasuke’s eyes slowly turned red. “But be careful Kakashi, I get being upset. I get being jealous but if you keep him hurting he might not want to go back. If he ever does I won’t stop him. You’ll never see him again.”

“I hope you know I’m required to report that.” Kakashi breathed as Sasuke stepped back.

“Good.” Sasuke’s smile was smug. “Maybe that will help the rest of you pull your heads out your asses. He would die for you, all of you. It’s a waste in my opinion but he would do it. You shouldn’t be thinking how he needs to get back into your good books. You should be trying to get into his, the rest of the countries have eyes. You going to let him be a king somewhere else?”

Kakashi remained silent when Sasuke called his summon, the huge Hawk and was swept into the night sky. His tongue burned heavily in his mouth. He wanted to do so many things but he could not. He wanted to say so many things but he could not.

He wished he could rewind the clock to that day and steal a few more moments but he could not. That kiss before he had let Naruto go with the ANBU team. That moment that had been all his, all theirs. He wished he could have that all back just for a few more minutes but he knew he would not.

He wanted to do something drastic, something bad and he knew to his soul he would not.

He missed him, the boy he had fallen for. The man he had seen growing. These few months had been hell and he did not know how to fix things. They would never go back to the past. What the hell could he do with the state of the world the way it was?

The state of the team and all their feelings. Was he threatened by Sasuke? In the beginning not so much but Naruto’s bull-headed focus. With his betrayal even if it was for a good cause he had still turned around and chosen Sasuke over everything.

What could Kakashi do in the face of that? Even while he kept thinking of them he was reminded how he had to pick up the pieces. How he had to defend Konoha and how he had thought the worst when they had received the news. How he had thought it could not get any worse until he had looked down into blue eyes and seen there was no genjutsu to break.

He loved him but it was so painful. Indifference was all he could manage and even that he was failing at. He had kept watching from afar, he still did. He listened to the others sadness. He tried to keep the rest from crumbling but there was just a gaping hole between them.

Sasuke and Naruto on one side and the rest of them on the other. Kakashi could not leap over that gap to the other side. He had to stay where he was. No matter the cost and no matter the loss.

Who knew what the end of the war would bring but he knew that while Naruto faced judgement and harsh words there were some that had already forgiven him to the bottom of their hearts. Tsunade-sama for certain. Iruka… others like that had forgiven Naruto and his reckless ways but Kakashi…

He sighed and forced his body to relax, he made his mind clear. Forced all those thoughts unrelated to the current issues away. They had a war to fight and win there was no sense thinking about unnecessary things. Besides, if Sasuke thought he had it that easy he had not been paying attention at all. With all his focus on Sasuke Kakashi had still managed to snatch him away. He had known what he was up against even back then.

X

He hoped Sasuke was safe, he hoped Itachi was not doing something foolish and he hoped this new plan was not going to turn into something that so many would forget. He hoped for many things, wished for others. Still his bed felt so lonely, it would have been nice to have someone by his side as he slept. Not in a romantic way although that would have been nice but his team. It would have been nice to sleep with them by his side but of course those days were behind him. He had to get them back.

**Author's Note:**

> I have an idea where this is going but nothing set in stone. Just wanna explore some heavy angst themes


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